Sunday, September 25, 2011

terkezuut i...



rite now...azwa dah tumpu 100% perhatian pd ak...actually,malam dy break dgn A...lwt ptg 2 ak da plan nk undur diri...ak plan utk tanggung segalanya sndiri..wlupun ak tau ak xmmpu...tp lebih baik dari melibatkan org lain..dlm fikiran ak lah...ak x ckp awal2 yg ak nk undur diri sbb ak tau dy pnat bru balik keje...so ak bg mse dy rest dulu...then midnight 2 dy call...n ak dpt tau dy da pn break dgn A....ak terkejut sgt...ak yg plan tp org lain yg bertindak lbih cpt dr ak...n ak x rse hpy pn ttg 2....mmg sblm ni ak asyik hrp ak dpt azwa...tp 2 sblm ak plan nk undur diri....ble ak yg nk berundur, tbe2 ak dpt dy...ak bingung...rse mcm dipermainkan dek nasib pn ada...n ak x rse hpy sbb ak tau,klupun dy break dgn A,blum tntu lg dy jd milik ak...ak fhm prsaan dy thdp A...thats why ak x mntk dy tggalkn A....tp mgkin ini ketentuanNya...now ak da pikul 100% tggungjwb utk jga azwa...n ak xnk sia2kn pngorbanan A...jauh d sudut hti ak,ak bterima ksih pd dy...n ak doakan dy jmpa org yg baik utk dy...now,ak akn truskn usaha ak utk jga azwa...n ak akn tgkatkn lg usaha aku spaya ak dpt isi kekosongan hati dy yg A tgglkn...InsyaAllah.....

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

sy manyak syg sma azwa lor!

harap ak mmpu atasi ujian yg mnimpa bercurah2 skrg ni...harap bonda TERSAYANG tu sedarkn diri dr duk attack ak dgn panahan yg mdera mental ak....ak msih mmpu bertahan smpai skrg pn, terima ksih pd si dy yg setia temankan ak,nasihatkn ak,sabarkan ak,n bg kata2 smgt....harap kebaikan dy akn difahami dek bonda 2...moga jodoh kami berpanjangan...dn smoga kami diberi kekuatan utk harungi cobaan ini dn mbuktikan cinta kami..amin ya rabbal alamin....i love u azwa...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

mak oh mak...

smlm..ak luahkan sgala yg ak simpan dlm hati terhadap family ak kt mak...slama ni ak beusaha keras utk pendam semuanya..sbb ak xnk mlukakan sesape...tp sikap mak mkin mlampau...mmaksa ak utk bkak pe yg ak pendam...byk ayat pedas n x ingin ak sebut...tp mak kene tahu jgk...ak da x than biarkan dy hanyut dlm fantasi dy...xtau la mak mampu ke x trima pe yg ak ckp..hopefully she will able to see the good side of what i said....peliklah..mse ak  hidup mnderita dlu,kene dera,kne ejek ank haram sbb x duduk ngn parent,kne buli...xde pn yg pedulikn ak...ak hidup bjuang sorg2 smpai la saat ni....tp ble ak mula nk kecap bahagia,mcm2 org wat utk wat ak jatuh n suffer....nmun ak xkn ptus asa...aku ad ssorg yg setia dicc ak..ak akn fight!!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

kisah sebuah bas

hari ni ckup bengang..eh...tlebih ckup da....ak nangis 5 kali smlm....tido pn x lena...hari smpai xde air mata nk kuar...mte ak pdih gle....knape mak x habis2 nk seksa jiwa ak?? orang cakap ibu bleh fhm ank dy...ak x rse dy ibu ak ngn ape yg dy da buat smlm....hari ni punya la blank otak ak...ak nmpak ad bas berhenti dpn ak mse odw blik kelas...ak terus naik tanpe pkir pape....im totally let my leg take me wherever they want....when I'm in the bus...I still doesnt know where I'm going...i juz sit silently...look out of the window....think nothing at all...feel nothing at all....nothing.....last2 ak trun dkt library trengganu yg besar siot tu....tp ak x msuk lib...ak mrayau dkt2 area tu je kjap then naik bas balik uni...kali prtama dlm hidup ak,ak jd sewel mcm tu...haaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! sbb tu ak beharap sgt utk dpt azwa...dy la satu2nya harapan utk ak hidup n happy....Ya Allah,jadikanlah azwa milikku seorang....krna dy mmg x mmpu bsikap adil jika lebih dr sorg.....hm...harap prsaan n kdaan mkin ok....mkin baik n mkin ke arah pe yg ak harapkn....amin....

Saturday, September 17, 2011

atuk! nenek! imu!!

hm...hari ni?? ad sdikit prob....tp xde la teruk....at least better than yesterday...happier...hopefully tomorrow will be better than today....n as day passes by....tp msih lg terngiang2 di telinga pe yg mak ak ckp smlm...awal2 borak bleter psl ak x mkn ubat...mslahnye tga sengkek kowt...tp ak xnk mak tau...ak xnk dy rsaukan ak...mak skrg ad pnyakit...nk kne uruskan hal rumah sendirian mmndangkan ak da xde kt rumah skrg...nk kne pk kne pndah rumah sbb rmah skrg 2 da tmasuk dlm tnh krjaan lg....ak ak msuk uni ni pn sbb azwa ckp nk tggung...ak x rela pn msuk uni...lau bleh ak nk keje je...lau x mmpu tlg fmly pn at least bleh krgkn bban mak utk pblnjaan ak...ble msuk uni,ak x nmpk azwa mmpu tggung ak...dy pn mkin kritikal...ak rsau sgt ttg dy...ak mula buat plan....ak plan nk bhenti blajar senyap2 then keje senyap2....xyah harap pd azwa o mak da...lau mak o dy tnye cmne study,ak jwb ok je la...nk keje ape ye...tga pk r skrg...nk kne cri tmpat tggal lpas 2...rsenye psl 2 xde mslh sgt kowt...nk cri keje je r prob ckit...hurm...tp mmg kne buat scre rahsia btul2 r...hrp2 pihak uni xkn hntar notis yg ak bhenti kt fmily  lau ak kua nti...haih..kadang2 ak beharap TPM mngaku ak adlh ank dy yg da lme hilang...hahaha...ak xnk jd ank najib...timbalan dy ok r..huhuhuhu...mrepek aje la ak ni yer....ni la sikap ak ble da pressure sgt2....blum gile je...mak..maafkn anakmu ini...tpksa ak mbuat kptusan tanpa pngetahuanmu....ak cuma x ingin menjadi punca pnyakitmu mnjadi serius...ak hrp sgt,ak xkn wat pape yg bleh trigger heart attack mak ak...amin...biarlah ak tanggung ksusahan ak sndiri...ak bukan mmbesar dgn mak pn dulu...dpt je jd dewasa cmni...xknla ble da dewasa mkin xleh hdup tnpe mak kn?? hidup dgn abah jauh skali..x pernah rse lgsg...smpai dy mninggal pn ak rse susah nk nangis...rindunye pd arwah atuk n nenek...sume yg ak syg pergi...azwa satu2nye yg ak ad...2 pn ak msih perlu bjuang utk dptkn dy....ya Allah, benarkn ak kecap bahagia sementelah segala derita yg ak alami sejak kcil hingga kini...amin...

Friday, September 16, 2011

slmt pengantin baru...

warghh panas tol  hati hari ni!! urgh...tp tpaksa sabar jugak...mggu ni mmg sikap dy dingin sgt...mudah melenting,mudah merengus,mudah tacink....nsib baik ak fhm la jgk....mggu ni sukar utk dy sbb imanina kawen...tp ad ktika ak x dpt trima wlupun ak fhm....ak rse sakit sgt ble dy sedih....ak rse pedih sgt ble dy dingin sbb otak bkcmuk gara2 orang 2...hm...sampai gado la jgk...agak teruk gadonye....tp alhmdulillah slesai mlm nye jgk...tp 2 pn x spenuhnye...ttp jgk ak dpt habuan yg memeritkan hati....tp mmg org sllu ckp,pe yg kte mkin nk,mkin byk dugaannye...ak akan beusaha utk menangi hati azwa.....ak ni mmg x mmpu nk lyn laki len lgsg wlupun bebaris line yg tggu ak....ak mmg xde rse lgsg kt org len...pd pndangan ak,ak x nmpak pn dorg 2 laki...ak nmpk n rse dorg cm kwn pmpan je...ak harap azwa pn rasakn mcm 2....ak tau yg ak yg paling sygkn azwa..plg perlukan dy...n plg bleh jaga dy....itu mmg pasti....ak hrp sgt,azwa akn terbukak hatinya utk sedar hal ni...ntahla....ak pn xtau pe prsaan n fikiran ak skrg...bkcamuk!! semoga Allah s.w.t. bantu ak...amin ya rabbal alamin....

Monday, September 12, 2011

all in one

wah!!! agak byk yg blaku hr ni....tp xde smthing yg teruk....alhamdulillah....rse teruk brada kt cni tu da mkn neutral cikit....makan minum pn da makin terurus....hub cinta pn ok (d most important)....haha...azwa ad crite..kwn2 tmpt krja dy ad rse x puas hti cikit r ngn ak...sbb dorg tgk azwa sanggup ikut nasihat ak dalam jge ksihatan...ak mntk dy bwk towel kcik ble kua rmah sbb rsau lau kne hujan, klau x lap bdan cpt2 nti akan bg kesan buruk...dy kn mudah sakit...ak x kasi dy mnum ais,air bergas,kopi...ak x rse salah pn sbb pe yg ak sruh tu sumenye utk kbaikan diri dy...xpela...peduli ape ngn org lain...yg penting ak jga buah hti ak elok2....ak nk jadi teman,sahabat,kekasih,isteri(bakal..insyaAllah),doktor n nurse dy.....ak nk jadi org yg terpenting dlm hidup dy...


nape ble ak bahagia,ada2 je org yg cbe jd kacang hantu?lau ad yg x puas hti,sori r beb...kubur sendiri2....xde kaitan ngn korg....nk jge tepi kain org xpe..mmg ad pntingnye prihatin pd org lain...tp jgn r smpai nk usik2 o msuk dalam kain lak....jge dr luar dah r....kan3?? knape nk dengki ngn org...org yg dapat pape 2 dorg dpat sbb usaha...

Sunday, September 11, 2011

sy da jd mahasiswi!

ahahaha!!! after 5 month inilah first time ak on9....fuh....semput seh bru msuk uni ni....sakit jiwa la kejap....mujurlah ad someone tercinta yg selalu mnemani ak....Alhamdulillah Allah kirimkan seseorang yg ak rse dy la cinta terhebat n yg plg pure ak pnah dpt.....ak bjanji pd diri ak, ak akn jaga dy,hub kmi sepenuh hati n sehabis daya....ak xnk sia2kn apa yg dy da buat pd ak...dy da gagahkn diri utk memilih ak wlupun trlalu sukar bg dy....today genapla umur 20 ak...urgh...rse agak sengal la sebab da x belasan tahun lg da!! xpela...yg penting,ak akan sntiasa berusaha baiki diri untuk jd yg lebih baik sampai saat nyawa ak dicabut....hm..pasni ak akn msukkan diary yg ak simpan...azwa ainuddin ahmad zahari...i love u till my last breath.~norainuddin~

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

kesakitan kekakian

hr ni hr ke4 orntasi....but im not joining because of the pains ive got from the last long run...pretty troublesome...im staying in my room but i cant sleep....mlm td x ckup tdo...n i had fight with him...luckily,we have getting better this morning...but not completely good yet...he is in depression...he said,maybe because he was thinking about his ex whom getting married this month...n for extra, i think he lost his spirit cause he got a bad dream recently...i do have weird dream too...i dreamed there are lot of people gathering together,including my fmily...it did frighten me a bit....there is say that if we dream of people gathering,mostly it will be a death... whatever it is,i really hope that there's nothing worse thing happens....n i hope,he will recover his lost spirit n we can be in nice air like always...ilyn!!

mY B!0$

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Jerantut,Pahang, pahang,malaysia, Malaysia
Nothg special...Im just a girl that always hope that i can improve myself become better n better person..Pleased by everyone around me...iLy zaimer(combination of my parent's name lah)