hopefully it is a real final hurt...

Last monday, he said it very clearly than before...."yup dats rite dear,u r juz a tools,doll,slave to me.nothing more than that.gdbye"....even though I knew it earlier, but its still hurt me so much when he said that....its like I got hurt in a pool that full with blade of gilette brand.... I can't do anything about that..I have to leave such bastard... I don't care about myself anymore..rite now, I want to take care of mom...I'm sure she didn't gave birth of me to see I'm ruining my life juz bcoz of a guy that couldn't be able to consider either human or animal...he is far worst than that.. I'm begin to collect my broken self piece by piece....even very slow, better than keep myself shutdown rite... I still hav my world...I got mom,friends,sibling.... I still breathing even I felt dead.. doesn't that means Allah still hopes me to get arise again??? I had failed a lot in many things but I shouldn't failed on this matter... I want to prove that I'm strong inside me... not juz behave like boyish but crybaby.... I don't want to cry anymore! I want to save my tears for the time I'm successfully rise again someday..I wanna give out tears of joy,grateful,proud.... not for that supershit naz or other guy of that....  MEN R SUCKS! Believe me naz...nothg goes well for u after this.....I don't wish u bad but I don't wish u well..... I have take some step to arising....first, i cut my hair like b4 i met that bastard....second, I keep listening to 'I Will Survive' song as burner for my frozen heart....third..I begin to be occupied with fun things with friends...next, I'm not sure yet...hehe.... Hopefully everyone will support me... Cheers for the arising!!! Yeah!!!!!!!

sEnGaL...

finally...I understand the stories behind me....he never loved me..he just acting all nice to bait me up...so that he can use me to accomplish his tasks...he keep coming 2 me when he have assignments especially subject that use english....it was almost like I'm replacing his place....after I done,he just left n cheering happily with his friends...he didn't even look at me when we bump into each other....when I'm going 2 shopping,he ask me 2 buy his things..when I'm reject it,he got mad n said ''if we don't contact each other at all is fine as long as U buy what I wants''....he even said by himself that all nice characters of him r fake... I have to admit that he is really a good actor...d impact was too huge for me to take...I really want to believe that he loves me...4 real....but I cant force the fact to change as my desires wanted to be....


I don't know how long it will take for me to be able accept the unwanted fact.... but I tried to think positive....all my memories n experiences with him thought me so much thing....n I had changed a lot since I met him...I tried to be more feminine, less stubborn, tolerate, patience, softness, lessons...I promised my self to be better and better..so that I can be a good partner to my next guy(if God willing..hehe)...I promised myself to be d best partner so that he can regret of unappreciate me.... Theres no meaning of mourning about such fakah,jerk,backstabber,bastard,keji,meany like him right? kate zaa, let begone be bygone.... Dunia blum kiamat....esok msih ad....ak pn msih bnyawa.... kejamnye aku lau aku sia2kan usaha mak aku lahirkan aku lau aku habiskan hdup aku dgn mnangisi seorang laki yg x lyk lgsg dipanggil mnusia..kucing aku pn lg mulia dr dia...hmph! Lastly, aku harap akan dapat seorang lelaki yang lebih baik lepas ni..yg mampu bimbing aku untuk jd pasangan yg baik n mmbahagiakan....amin ya rabbal alamin